Axe Gets A Gun :D

changing over to myspace

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 06:16:04 GMT

yeah so i've changed over to using myspace now cause it's got better stuff haha i dont 'know i guess it's easier to manage than livejournal but it's been good using lj all the same so yeah umm if u don't have my myspace and want it just go to -

http://www.myspace.com/mr_syntonic

so i'll c u there or maybe not i don't know anyways yeah :)
ciao

eating up all thats left in the cupboards

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 03:35:04 GMT

hmm i thought i would take this fine opportunity to write for you all a short song it's called
I HATE THE FUCKING STUDENT GUILD

and it goes a little bit like this :)

student guild student guild
why do u take all my money
you leave me with nothing but crumbs in the cupboard
why do you rape all our bank accounts

student guild student guild
my dinner didnt' happen last two nights
you took all my munie
the jokes really not funnie

student guild student guild
you know something
...
I FUCKING HATE YOU

hmm yeah yeha i know i know it's just too good lol err or maybe not n e ways lol seriously though it's taken us ages to get money for food lately i mean corinnas mum even said that i looked a lot skinnier than i usually doo lol hmm i guess all thats left on me was bare skin and bone but hey u know i hear thats a really popular look with the darker types hmm

perspectives are a really odd thing depending on how or where or even who you associate with it always has a slant on your perstpective i mean before i got with corinna i didnt' even really think at all about gotichs and non gothics i mean i kinda had myself figured as though i was sorta a fence sitting darker christian whtever person but u know it's really wierd haha in the hend i gues i just preferred to not think about that kinda stuff um i could really just delet that last paragraph considering it didn't make a dime of sence and i just wrote it less than a few seconds abgo lol how stupid but hey u know it's all part of the entry so i'll keep it in here now umm

oh yeah just thought i'd mention if john ever reads this that the cheap dave project well it was shown to a really big toowoomba film business and this buisness even sources work from sydeny and everywhere and turns out that the owner of this company really liked the idea of it too hehe so u know i'm just saying if we still wanna do this shit there is a solid market out there u know i mean it's not just uni people who would want to see this but lots of people n e ways

that's about all for now ps... i really wish i could find a jeanie and rub his u know lamp oh and this isn' tsecret code for *murrays coming out of the closet* it's just u know i'm poor and need money sigh sigh sigh maybe i could kill someone or like go into thief mode and steal hmm

n e ways this is what happens when ur locked up in a house all day long .....

ps my moral right now is killed
k
later all
Mr_Maniac

yeah the new year begins

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 09:00:53 GMT

and with it so did an almost disaster lol my brother introduced to live journal lol and all the goodness that goes with it yeah n e ways so i guess everyone figured he was being a silly person doing the whole self punishment thing actualy i would put a fortune on it that no one had a clue well whatever n e ways so today was so enjoyable :) *ps i'm not on n e ones side and after a lot of tears nor is my brother yeah so after a long firm talk with him about these sorts of issues i think he has more of an understanding about what he wrote and how not everyone sees it the way he thought they would* but moving back on to things again well anothe rFUCKER didn't give us a property again so we're still houseless and still looking dammit all lol hmm gonna try and sign up with some rental places so we get called up if they find anything suitable for us really soon like almost NOW haha ok my eyes are fragged
yup yup
really sore and hurting sigh .... fucking laptop put this here
and weeping etc
and ... there is always room for one last and ... lol hehe umm my computer is dead sigh so no music etc ... no porn hahaha that's a joke lol but n e ways yeah another smart family joke lol and no umm no whatever else the fuck this stupid computer of mine thats broke can do ... i miss u mr computer i miss u
haha

and i get the feeling this fuckin laptop is on it's way out to the DEAD PC pile too
yeah once i get into a house eventually i can't wait to feel free again i'll be able to work out more get more money to get a pc working so i can work out to good music too i can just relax more and hmm sleep better :).

yeah it's cool i think i have my best friend back again and so i'm just HAPPY :) lol i love u john ur my number one brother .. er just to clarify ... I DON'T FUCK BROTHERS lol like my silly brother so suggested...

Hmm looks like it could be a fun dai

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 00:20:54 GMT

yeah so i didn't write much lately cause i spose not much to say lol i'm still getting kicked out of home though i love the way my parents try to justify it as .. "we're not kicking you out you're deciding to leave because you want to continue to have a relationship with corinna"... WELL lets see FUCK U fuck U fuck U and your cool and FUCK YOU stupid parents some times and whats more annoying at the same time as i hate them for being so fucking blind i still love them and wish that corinna would like the good in them like i do and she is now which is cool but yeah i know dad doesn't see things right all the time but there are some things about him that i do love other than just the fact he is myu dad i mean like he does look out for me a bit and care enough to help offering the occasional lift to town but never timely always when it suits him usualy but still a lifts a lift lol some times i feel bad because i try to justify that there are some good points about him when he is doign so many stupid things at the moment lol i like the way i said stupid it represents FUCKING SHIT but i didn't have to say that ... erm although i did just say it then but n e ways no ones perfect

so i'm kinda online now waiting for someone fun to come online lol and talk to me haha why is it so boring on here sigh no ones on hmm well we put house apps in at two different places now ones for a 2 bedroom unit near uni perfect for me and corinna the other one is a 3 bedroom unit not near uni but really nice looking etc hmm i think corinna wants the 2 bedroom one but yeah i'm easy either way :)

just to say it GTA 3 SAN ANDREAS is FREAKING AMAZING lol i got it the other week about the start of this week actualy or the end of last n e ways it's so amazing lol you can do an endless ammount of things it's got some really clever pure interaction i wish i could program 3d better to make stuff like that.

oh oh for n e one who does multimedia like me lol word on the street is that macromedia (the producers of both director and flash) are going to be canning the director production line next year which means .... FLASH will be able to do 3D plus all the freaking amazing stuff it already does lol how cool i so can't wait it's only a short time before we can make some really cool and entertaining and hopefully money earning cool software without super dupa wtf lol programing knowledge i hope

hmm looking foward to getting to use these cool date cards we found in a store the other day lol it's all looking really entertaining lol u got some paris of cards like go fish lol and you have to collect a whole set of one type of card and once you have a set of one card then you get to store them out in front of you and at the end of the game whatever sets you have either ... kiss me quick... massage a body part begining with the letter ___ etc one of them then you get to use them how you want on the other players lol so it's really fun hahaha i hope lol well i'm looking foward to it cause i havn't hung out with friends in ages mind u...... hmm i don't thinkn i have many friends who would play such a game but yeah hahahaha it looks like so much fun haha i love games wh3ere you can occumulate stuff and then just spend it at your own will and enjoy the benifits lol i've really started to like that whole saving up and then spending thing :)

hmm well seems that j may be hanging out with some of us again which is good i am looking foward to all of that i hope its ok and things work there i mean it is really got to be a cool new year if the groupies could be back together again and then progress on all side projects really take a boost fowards speaking of going fowards i failed another unit lol cause i didn't givafuck about handing in the last assignment stupid manufacturing culture lol i think next year if i do it again i'll attend classes more lol :p usualy helps ... SO i am ToLD lol

well i dare say that sumerschool hasn't started yet considering it's christmas tomorrow i dont' really think i'm that excited about christmas maybe cause all my presents i already have gotten lol but yeah hahaha also i know that it's soon my parents are kicking me out so n e thing they give me has started to mean less cause of the way they are turning their backs on me i dunno but thats just how it's starting to make me feel i still love them and want to do best for them but it hurts to know i'm noot accepted by them n e ways i don't care i'm happier with the trade off something new for somethign old lol only place u normally do that is at a swap meet lol ok enough crazy talk i got to be going now haha u know whats funny though as my final thing to say i realise how often when i type in here i start off with a well.... statement hahaha just look at the damn things everywhere lol how stupid hahah ok i'm done
bai bai
MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL
Mr_Maniac

tummie

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 07:36:57 GMT

my tummie is still hurting even more than before in ways ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr it hurts dammit i hate this i tried all i could to avoid the next stage in the fucked up bloating process and i still get that fucking awful feeling i wasn't quick enough to do something about it so i guess i'll prolly end up spending all tonight throwing up and crushing my internal organs sigh i frikn HATE throwing up i feel sick fuck :( i want to cry i wish corinna was here sigh this sucks fuck...

having a blast

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 06:46:49 GMT

frikn tummie yeah this is the last entry in here for a while maybe i dunno yeah well seems me and corinna are taking a break for a bit i think it's positive by break i do mean break from seeing eachother and stuff u know how it is hmm well prolly not cause u wernt' there when we talked about it but yeah we both need time to get our selves back together lol we've fallen apart into these frikn things that have almost no identity of what they use to be and stuff and i need to get over the loss of friends and start to pay attention to the ones i still have and basically focus on the things i use to focus on before i was in a relatinoship hmm yeah i'm really just saying this so i can look on here and go yeah thata what i'm doing if i get lost and loose my way

The beauty of a MAC

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 09:56:11 GMT

let me say that's sarcasm whatever the spelling for that word may be and its' like i mac and internet so don't go together still waiting and i have been waiting for the frikn hotmail to load so i can sign the fuck in and check my mail and then i'm waiting for like msn to work smoothly little piece of so and so and yeah u know how it is hmm i really have realised lately how i don't have that urge for the net like i use to i think it's got something to do with the fact that i found something i was looking for or whatever.

mind you insomnia is a problem but it's not as bad as i thought it would be aff k hmm oh yeah so today oh oh wait wait lol lots has happened i am getting reasonably frequent work with some construction company called Stewarts they are cool they pay me like 17.60 an hour and stuff. hmm on the side i get one day a week at the church site for 120 for the day too so i got munies umm currently planning to move out of home and are looking for a rental place but yeah.

went to dremworld lately hmm it was okish but u know it's been more fun other times kinda missed cool people form being there and all but yeah no it was ok me and jonno lithko made a better stronger friendship again so thats a cool bonus well i'm just pissed off now at hotmail on this mac and my fucking finger really hurts cause of stuff

this guy there from india week as shit not that i like to pay out weak people but realy when they hurt me for their weakness thats just pushing it i mean full on this guy couldnt' push a 5/7 full wheelbarrow of gear fowards properly without it tipping then it itps onto my finger and crushes it into the griound FAG
and like after that the concrete was setting off and i'm like just slice it with ur shovel like i will show u and poor water on it
so i get in there and cute the whole lot up as a normal labourrer would and then i bucket heaps of water onto it and cute it again with the shovel ... cutting is just chopping it up like puttin glines through it so water seeps in deep down and then crosshatching it so that you get a stronger mix of the water

then this guy is like standing above the shovel not u know legs apart but to gether and just pushing downwards with some shit power that didn't make it mor than 3 inches into the pile of concrete then he does only one cut every 3 seconds and then lol he gets the water and it's like he felt he was being artistic with it and all the rest of us are just looking at this sick shit happening going WHAT THE FUCK i mrean really lol it was just madness i dont' think he hopes to be a labourer for the rest of his life.

hmm n e ways he did heaps of things like that all today really crappy stuff always puting others at risk over his poor work ethic and the usual me redoing his owrk lol hmm yeah i notice i complain a lot more lately i think i'm just tired a lot tired which is why i am taking the day off work tomorrow so i can be with miss kitten corinna and stuff yeah lol ti'll be a buying day thingy then and stuff hmm well i'm rambling on her ea lot too much oh i heard a good friend is moving away next year to bris gotta love it how i never get told this shit yeah they need just a little more time enough time so they don't fuckign live here n e more and will never have to see me again FUCK THAT ok no more grumps from me now lol i'm off to oh i really want chocolate no i'm off lines now lol yeah
bia bai
Mr_Maniac

ironys siometghiubng sad;lkjfsda;l

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 01:16:35 GMT

yeah so i messed up the title lol i seem to do that a lot n e ways i guess i spealt the first word wrong so whats the point of writing any more words if thhe first one is wrong stupid typos lol n e ways hmm not what i was writing about well umm lets me see today i got up and had a ver VERY sucessful workout lol it's really a odd feeling to work out when u got people watching u do this sort of thing hmm yeah oh i missed mentioning that corinna stayed at my house last night lol of cause in a different room lol geeze u know some guys phgone just went off and it fully sounded likke my phone when dad calls lol hmm dad calling lol thats a funny story haha umm no so moving on from there

ok i onw that was kinda wierd just before but who cares hmm i guess i do but so what lol i'm alloud to geeze talking about bad for getting distracted lol hmm well the whole groupie thing is FUCKED and i don't mean to say that lightly i mean my brother has gone all messed up and kira is now changing work jobs and is just being wierd and not tlking to A n e more and then jnno is the usual lol i gu3ess some thigns are the same always and then mark is feeling the brunt of it all with his assignments and becomeing a really serious critical whatever and A feels all rejected of that but hey i love waking up coming to uni only to be told i'm a boring wierdo every day too lol poor thing hmm n e ways so then u got all that happening and tony is just quiet and off prolly trying to figure a way to bone his new guitar he made and then u got the rest shannon being bonned by some guy whwatever and stuff hmm n e ways so that' all happening there then it's over the the fan club nah i dunno i'm kinda tlaking sarcastically i know that i even prolly just spealt that word wrong then but who cares lol i make lots of typos but this isn't some english exam hmm

well what else to say umm heading back to coriinnas house now to do her and my assignments and stuff and then umm yeah i dunno whate else then hmm i guess not that i want it to be all public but this is really MY FUCKING JOURNALK SO FUCK OFF EVERYONE but i guess i feel lately that it's like me and john have become totaly distanced now like i don't really ewven ever knew him sort of thing and yeah should that annoy me ... "we'll still be friends" YES IT FUCKING DOES khmm oh that was a quote again another wonderful falt in my awesome english profeciency exam here or whatever lol hmm and so yeah umm lots of conjunctions thaere whjatevel;kas;lkjsfd;lkjdfsa;ljk fds

new line

it seems that i dunno the flies go away form me more when i'm wearing white umm kinda random but hey thats a cool tip for u all if flies piss u off like the do me umm by u i mean me caus eno fuckers are reading this hmm i know i sound kinda mental i think it's prolly just my imagination n e ways this is me typing like regurti;lkas;lkj fds; regurgitat9ing my brain thoughts out onto the paper of the typing fucking thing stuff yeah i mean journal page umm brick wall i keep looking at the brick wall it kinda helps me to concerntrate my thoguhts more on what i'm typing a bit i guess hmm well i love LOVE my gouiguitar guitar sounding thing it's super cool lol i got the effects stuff happening and i really think corinna hates the stupid keyboard we own little fucker of a thing it is bing bing bing bing that's all the sounds it makes it's so pathetic hmm well i was inspired to keep writing shit now since i heard J's song on his site and stuff yeah it's makde me really push towards a new song idea i'm going to be working closely with corinna for writing up a album worth of songs about sky gazing u know when u lie on ur back put the headphones into ur ears and jujst escape away from it all to ur mind and u think about life and how blah everything is an dthe clouds pass u by and it gfeels like ur life is just this existance and no one really knows u but they can all see u sorta of thing well thats the kind of music i want to write just an album of that called something like the passerbyer or whatever i dunno n e ways yeah hmm well yeah

i'm out of material so yeah
bai bai
Mr_Maniac

yeah FUCK SHIT UP

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 03:38:28 GMT

yeah i guess i really like soulfly at the moment hmm i was just over at kori's new house and it's cool got to hear sum COMA they are kinda cool and all hmm i was at koris' yesterdayish and stuff and was looing through photos and things and saw some pics of john aww yeah sigh i kinda got a little tearie lol fucking woman i am at times n e ways yeah piss that off lol hmm yeah no so dads come around and accepts things how they are lol it's kind of funny i've moved into a relationship now the first one that has some acceptance from my parents and soem friends sigh i miss john heaps haha and NO I'm NOT GAY grrr but hahaha yeah i guess lol u dont' know what u got till it's lost and stuff hmm yeah well what to say umm if u read this mr john i gotta catch up some time so we can film this week sigh i'm gettin PH credit tomorrow so i'll KAl u then and stuff hahaha kinda odd *and yes i know it's not some frikn message board lol* but n e ways hmm well i'm happy ish some times kinda sick and whatever i dunno i guess i feel the sickness of wanting to get stuff rolling now i'm all settled into the new relationship thingy lol i'm not impacient ok so i am but who cares i'm alloud to be a bit like that maybe hmm well n e ways haha oh just to say lol it's realloy fun to type lots when u arn't even looking at the screen lol u get so much more inspiration for what ur talkking about and thigns mmm type it wrong thing hmm yeah

well now it's getting on the edge or verdge whatever of a long entry it's prolly time to bai;l hmm RAINY WEATHER lol and i'm wearing all this fuckign gay clothing whatevers and stuff hmm n e ways yeah well i guess i'll c john around some time hmm yeah oh i did notice something different about A recently too haha but tha'ts a story for another day lol hmmm *gotta hate sensoring out stuff in here sigh* oooh kaaahyh i spose it's time to go hehehe me and corinna are hanging out mroe now oooh i'm so open lol i actualy held her hand in public lol BIG STEP for me lol but haha yeah hmm i'm really shy about stuff but yeah oh well i like her a lot so it's all good ehh i worry
i do yes i do hmm lol n e ways
i get the feeling corinna wants to go somewhre haha the odd stroke on ur hand kinda obviuos LETS GET THE __ OUT OF HERE n e ways hahaha i say stuff way too much like swearing :( sigh i'm such a bad christian n e ways thats just one of those things i'll have to resolve later on for myself ok well other than that i think the entry updates kinda well and i'm still typing lol and she is sighing now like geeze lol ok stop murray stop urself u can do this lol wierd hmm yeah ahh ;lsadkjf ;sajoirtw o;isdlj;k sfdal;jk

ok ok eriuwe

just a small birst of obsessive compulsive there lol i think corinna brings that out stronger in me lol hmm well i hope to run into some peoples like i said 500000000000000000 times already and so yeah
ok
bai bai
Mr_Maniac

yea

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 07:02:28 GMT

smiling in thier faces
while filling up the hole
so many dirty little places
in your filthy little worn out
broken down see through soul

baby's got a problem
tries so hard to hide
got to keep it on the surface
because everything else is dead on the other side

teeth in the necks of everyone you know
you can keep on sucking until the blood won't flow
when it starts to hurt it only helps it grow
taking all you need
(but not this time)
no, you don't

and just for the record
just so you know
I did not believe
that you could sink so low

you think that you can beat them
I know that you won't
you think you have everything
but no, you don't

no, you don't
no, you don't
no, you don't
no, you don't

i know

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 03:08:04 GMT

ok ok i know so i was meant to be lying down somewhere in the J gardens right now lol but yeah sigh i dunno i guess i just feel soo blurrs about it all i don't really want to go for a long walk there and stuff at the moment sigh hmm well i'm meant to be starting work on the frikn menus for media project B but yeah i guess in the end i don't want to till i get home i mean i',m sure i'll do a better job of them then n e ways sigh i wanna just fall down and slee0 sighs

this stuff hits the fan evrery day

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 02:47:03 GMT

hey yeah i mean today i think i feel up to writing an entry again ... i've been very quiet lately sigh it's just such a long time and all mixed up hmm yeah i really didn't think i could hold on any longer but yeah i talked to myt dad just before in the car he made me swallow my pride and quit a job offer from veetone and stuff sigh i really have to find the camera crew for it now sigh i really didn't want any of this to happen.. hmm well i spent the night at corinnas house hmm it was different cause i knew when we woke up in the moning for good things were going to change... yeah

so it's a little odd for me

she was with john 2 weeks ago

now she was with me 1 week ago

now she is just finding her feet again and thats all good but yeah i dunno it maks me all confused at times hmm i'm currently falling asleep every few minutes just cause i didn't sleep too well or n e thing and me and corinna woke up thismorning feeling sick hmm i wonder if it was pre-emptive or whatever but yeah hmm n e ways i'm feeling a bit better now lol to make things worse was suffering from fkin blue balls syndrome and stuff lol go team hey lol eeeps n e ways yeah hmm well i'm sitting in the library now while i know somewhere around corinna and john are talking and she is finding her closure and coming closer to the ground again hmm as for me i guess i got to talk with my dad about the situation umm yeah

ok well i guess sleeping over at a girls house who ur dad knows u may have interests in will arise some questions lol :p and it certainly did lol so yeah we talked and i explained the whole story to him and we finished off the conversation with him saying that he is happy for me an dher and accepting of her and doesn't hate her etc as long as we keep him reasonably up to date on things he is ok with the relationship hmm u know assuming that by the end of today r whenever corinna is done she figures she wants to give us a shot or something n e ways hmm i'm really not so happy i don't feel like doing any more work on the assignment i hate frikn macs for assignments sorry kirsty i'll design the buttons nicely at home tonight and stuff lol not that she ever will c this but hey hahaha t's the thought that counts hmm oh and now mariana found out whats going on she was like oh i really didn't mean n e thing by what i said from when she was jokingly accusing me of hittin gon johns GF hmm ok well i'm a really unsure of what to do now sigh i need to go away from here i'll prolly go to the J gardens or somethin gi don't know sigh oh well whatever happens happens

thanks to John and Corinna for all your support at different times when i really needed u both

bai bai
Mr_Maniac

daylight

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 08:52:39 GMT

eeep well lol i think its kinda crude to start off a message like this as far as my journal entries go but no noke MY B&**$ really are hurted lol i HATE HATE HATE jocks hahaha thats so crude and i'm sorry for any poor souls that had to read that hmm well whats to say

today was really emotional but i think in the end one thing is for sure it really emphasized how close me and my friends are i didn't really know just how close everything is till you loose or think you will loose it. umm and the actual highlight of today lol well the highlight that i'm going to call the highlight i dunno if it is one or whats the deal but yeah umm well i was offered work at $17.88 an hour for tomorrow i was going to go to uni tomorrow but yeah i REALLY need the money so yeah thats on tomorrow starting at 6:30 AM woah lol how early lol and it ends at 4pm in which case i have to rush my ass over to uni for a group meeting at 5pm so i don't really know how i'll manage to get cleaned up in time but yeah umm what else oh well i guess now i'm just sitting at uni agian online on my laptop in the library lol trying to get comfortable and bear the underlying kicked in the balls feeling :s grrr

hmm well things have happened i'm not going to be writing about in here and i guess i just don't really know what will happen yet but at least thigns are in a reasonably controlled state

well i don't think i've really cryed before in a long time hmm it isn't something i like doing especially in public and yeah i don't know well n e ways i think i'll just end this here lol it's way too mixed up

Filming was soo fun last night

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 03:29:35 GMT

Man some days are hard to beat u know what i mean like you just get out there and the day is cool and you like whats happening and everything good happens for u lol it's so hard to have more than a few days like that hmm

well lets see yesterday was just one of those days so bad lol i started off the day doing a lot of relaxing lol and just u know the usual online sequence for the day lol then i think i got reall bored so i went off to do stuff hmm well oh thats right lol i met up with J and Cori then did stuff lol oh and had an awesome jam session and we sorta started to erally get somewhere with it i think .. yeah i'd have to agree i think she's realy getting a lot more confident with stuff now.

hmm well after that i came back and A was at uni i don't relaly know if n e one reading this would really pick up the whole EMPHASIS on this little section haha but n e ways i do haha when i read it its kinda a little excitin sorta stuff. hmm it was really cool though standing on the building for the film thign where i had to act and was really happy A waited up for me instead of just bailing out hmm u know i heard that she and kira talked a little bit ago and i told kira how i really felt about A a while ago so some times i get the feeling that maybe she said something to A hmm but yeah i think it's common knowledge that no matter how much she annoys me some times i'd still give my life if it could somehow save hers and yeah some poeople say that kinda thing and don't really believe it but deep down i know i would i mean i guess i just get that feeling that if her life is in danger u know and i picture a scene like that i'd do all possible to save her .. hmm n e ways but yeah moviing on

so then it's like after that i got dropped off at Seis house that was cool i finally got to meet her mum and she was really cool too so yeah we all had dinner and it was really yammie hmm so good and then they gave me heaps of japanese paraphanalia u knwo umm souvenours and stuff haha so i put that in my room and it's all setup nicely oh and just to say it MY FUCKING SUNBURN HURTS LIKE HELL BVENT EVIILNESS lol

oh and some time through the day i got all the pics of the beach thing and onto my lappie and i'll be putting them onto my website at http://mrmaniac.multiply.com so yeah lol i'll do that in a minute i guess lol and A used up all my internet .. tear tear

and now to today hmm well A is staying at home for the day prolly sleeping in or something umm i'm bored out of my brains lol i met up with Hannah it's soooo good to catch uop with her lol just to hear her voice agian lol u know haha brings back so many good memories of the good old days etc lol yeah :) she's a cool friend hmm well what else umm i'm going to eventually start looking deeper at that programming stuff some time soon lol umm and thats about it really lol for today unless A comes along haha not goign to happen i thin i dunno

i know how i feel now and i think once i'm totaly ok in myself with my relationship with her i'll be able to write an entry without mentioning her name haha i can't wait for that day just when i can be ok that she isn't u know sooo taking over my heart or whatever...at the moment i think i'm just on a knife edge where i'm forcing myself to not fall Deeply for her but just yeah i have strong feelings for her and yeah hmm it's kinda different to brother and kira cause kira likes our church rules a lot and as for me and my church stuff A dusn agree with it all so the chances that i can be lucky as my bro and the gurl i *why am i afraid to admit i like her* something will be able to decently date well actualy yeah i had a really good chat to mum about this lol

AGAIN and haha this time i think i got it through to her that while i'm living with them i dont' whant to abide by their rules but i'll listen to their advice or as we refer to it wise council and it really is wise council or whatever so yeah i'm happy to listen to their advice but take it or leave it sorta thign and not incurr any penalitys for it ... but as far as house rules go well while i live there i will obey them to the fullest so ukonw i do what i want but listen to their advice on thigns and i abide by their rules for the house... i dont' really see that as being n e thing less than treated as an adult so yeah mum agreed but i havn't talked to dad about it yet but yeah sure enough i'll have another chat about this kind of thing again... FUCKING HELL i hate those talks it takes forever to get it into their fucking heads that i'm 20 years old now ... and then mum gets emotional thinking that shes loosing her sun etc .. but she has to realise that i have to make my own decisions but will want to at least get their opinion on matters etc..

n e ways this is way too long an entry now lol so i thikn i'm getting out of here :)

bai bai
Mr_Maniac

THE COAST

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 23:49:59 GMT

well i posted it in a fiends journal as a reply to their entry lol :p but yeah no so umm i went to the caost and it was a bit of a rush job getting back in time but yeah lol i didnt' make it back n e where near as quick as i thought i would cause we got lost several hundred times, everyone driving was really relaxed and screwing around. fuck my brother pisses me off some times the moody bitch he is grr he gets all worked up just cause a disk is skipping i mean get over it grrr but no so he's like driving along and then the disk skips and hes like FAAAAAAARRRRRRRKKKKEEENNNHEEELLL FUCK FUCK FUCK etc... and then he just plants his fuckign foot and we go flying around corners etc... little fucker he is n e ways we get to places in one piece but yeah hmm well what else is to say

oh well the coast was really good but i got burnT really badly on my shoulders and A looked so cute with her sunburnt face cause it looks like shes constantly blushing or something lol bu tno yeah it was really good :) we all got to swim except poor kira cause u know ladie probs but yeah hmm i think out of all of us the one who didn't enjoy their selves as mch was ebony who is A's older sister mainly cause u know she doesn't hang with us etc etc... but yeah hmm it was cool when i bailed out of the surf A was soon to follow but jonno and ebony were still in the surf and she pulled a towl up next to me and so u had brother and kira toweling haha and basicaly fkin around and then u had me and A just lying there lol i dunno hah abut i think the harder u try to think of somethign to talk abotu the harder it is but if we dont' think we can usualy talk about heaps but hahaha today for some unknown reason we just couldn't really then but when we did start talking later on at the fuel station on the way home it was good cause was mroe natural hmm yeah lol .. no yeah i was having some issues about CP wondering if i like her or what it is but i think the truth is it's just a simeple case of lust/crush something hmm so yea best to keep things really cas.. there so nothing gets too out of hand :D

ahh well today will be interesting i meet sei's mum .. i use to talk about her all the time in my entries from last year lol when i liked her ages :) but umm yeah so i'm really looking foward to meeting her mum :)

yes it's goin to be great today hmm i think i have to meet up with her some time and install some gear for her oh which remijknds me i also have to give john some apps i brought the whole kit and kabootle today lol so yeah if i get the chance to see him i'll head over and make his pc all cool etc... :)

well i guess it's time to bite the bullet lol i'm at uni and no one at all is online or is comeing to uni hmm i really don't know if i'm ready to do proper work yet lol but i guess i am or at least can try to :)

ok will time to pee *go i mean*
baib ai
Mr_Maniac

yeah a good relaxing day

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 09:25:25 GMT

today was good i got to just lie on my back and rest and stuff u know really think things over sigh it's soo good to have the wind blow through you when you swing and stuff hahaha

well ayesha invited me and mark later on to go to the coast with her on monday mhm mark can't go and if ii'm goinglol i better get my ass into gear and start workign out again haha i look fucken pathetic today lol i'm guesses i just havn't worked out in a few days but if i go hard core i'll be back up to scratch by the end of sundy lol or close to for shure :)

hahaha then again i don't know why
lol
hmm i guess i fuck hate this getting worried about nothing i am i thinks
no well ok i think in the end my mind decides that A is interested at becoming friends again and thats all...i on the other hand am starting to like her again FUCK cause yea i dunno why i do but yeah well she's showing her good side again u knowand really trying hm yeah n e ways the other day being yesterday she sent me a text message in the morning...i've never got one from her in a morning since well 4 or 5 months ago when we wern't fighting lol i think it's partly i dunno

ok well heres something else though that's got me confused ... since she figured that my friend mark likes her sister she's been acting more friendly to me ... WTF is that all about yeah u tell me hahaha i have no idea but n e ways it's kinda odd hmm well n e ways also around that time my eyes started to get a lot better etc .. hmm well yeah.... ithink there are two major things that are starting to get to me...one is that A doesn't believe and agree with some of the things preached at our church ... the other is that nothings gonna happen unless she's in our church ... and she wont' cause she doesn't agree with it all.. then there is theother thing ... well i hate how i currently think the relationship is heading .... thenthere is i'm fucking 20 now and i know lots of guys in the church have found gurls that they like there so they just gotta get the balls to ask them out but i don' t have n e feelings like that n e ways people home time to go baibai

Mr Manaic

A good ending to my day

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 11:13:39 GMT

Today ended i think i would be crazy to not give a BIG thank u to my personal psychiatrist ... u know who u are lol thanks so much for ur help i was able to sit down and resolve a lot of issues thisafernoon and then u know i realised things aren't so bad once i sorted out my feelings its so good again to u know get half on top of things and then after that i said bai to A and she was really sweet about everything u know like we're both trying to be nice to eachother now so that's also good doesn't mean she has n e feelings my way but that's ok lol it's not uncommon for a guy to like a girl weather or not she likes them back lol i think she just needs time to sort out her own situation more u know with who she has feelings for and i spose in the end i'll just have to treat her like she will never have feelings for me the way i do her lol kinda u know thats'life so yeah haha hmm i think i'm ok with that and it's not like i'm about to start looking for someone else i mean i think i'm running into a lot of grls a t m as it is to just get on with life hmm well also today my eyes were even whiter than before more and more as the day progressed till in the afternoon they were totaly white hey .. wierd stuff lol by the way if u've never read one of these journals or havn't figured it i usualy have really red eyes which contributes to my bad vision lol it'sfunny to put that in but u know just incase some guy from germany or whatever decided to read an entry one day and make sense of it i hope to leave some form of trace there for him so he doesn't have to read it all. the thing i found most encorougable about all of this journal stuff on here is that i know when i'm either bored or looking for some sort of help its best to read how others get through stuff so u just lok for people with similar interests on here and turns out that they usualy have either gone through what u are going through or are currently going through it and also it makes for some cool reading when you can follow some kind of narritve left behind and it's not just u know ur own stuff... haha kinda wired i knwo a lot of people say write for yourself but then again in some ways i't helps me to try and write what's in my head as well layed out as i can.

so yeah just to progress some more here it's like after the cool send off hahaha i ran into my lecture for this assignment due in tomorrow so yeah that was lucky sigh hey lucky me haha well hmm then i get to stay at marks house for the rest of this week and they have broadband and wireless so i'm here now on their lounge haha coool stuff hey hmm oh i just remembered i left my med certificate at home so i'll let mum and dad know to drop that off here before they leave cause yeah haha i'll need that if i want to get a pass on my assignment hmm i might do that now

well yeah ok i'm done here

yeah i can't be bothered with a cool title for this

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 03:31:17 GMT

if that title wasn't half an example of whats happenign i dunno what would be but yeah so it's sorta like this it would seem to be that things are progressivly goign worse not better here hmm i think it's partly just i need to be doig more devotional things still i'm not sigh why can't i get motivated for it i think it's just everything else happening. hmm well for one day i felt free of any gurls hmm but then again i dunno i guess its not so important really hmm i think it's really just everything is changing badly and its starting to FUCK ME OFF like my brother he's cool with me now but FUCK OFFF he's treating ayesha like shit now and she's all in a depressed mood so its still wearing onto me i know it shouldn't if i'm detached from her like i keep telling myself i am but i FUCKING DICK fine from them again lol for the internet thing where i now have to pay back another 280 dollars i have no fucking idea where i'll get the money from but yeah well i gotta get focused on my assignment now and get the bitch out the way so i can go out and play etc.. sigh i wanna cry i'm confused and i hate this hahaha kirsty just burped hehe it's funny lol well she's single now from her bf poor thing i really do understand the pain she's going through at the moment u know i've been through it all before too but yeah poor thing she is u know hmm as for ayesha... do i still like her .... kirsty asked me that too i don't trust her with my heart enough to say i do but i prolly do and just ain't going to fuckign say it n e more cause FUCK hahaha this journal entry is loaded with emotion sigh i gotta get a grip lol :)

ok well assignment is calling so bai bai for now
Mr_Maniac

left with no where to go

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 23:59:21 GMT

do u ever get the feeling that life is closing down on you and everyone you thought you would surpass is passing you by and you try harder to even reach their level but don't understand why you ne ver get there yeah prolly not haha. well that's kinda how i feel at the moment i mean in a way it's prolly just wierd i think for the first time in my life i only half like one girl and that's it haha it's been a long time since i've felt this un attached to girls sigh it's kinda a relief i feel that i'm my own again in a way umm i still care deeply for many many friends but just i don't feel u know attracted as strongly to some gurls as i did before

hmm well today i'm sitting in the library listening to stoner music lol and doing my manufacturing assignmetn i got a massive extension on it till wednesday lol and all it cost was hurling my tummie so hard i seriously felt that i could feel my organs pushing up towards my mouth and my ribcage cracking and my bones pushing into the sides of my tammy man it hurt loads.

hmm so really i think about my current situation and it looks like this .. my bro says he is wanting to go hard core for the band but he's really just bailing out cause he's afraid he'll be tied up with some hard core metal band or something but i clearly don't want to go heavy just the occasional scream makes some songs if suited really work hmm n e ways he doesn't seem so keen but he also wants to write music and yeah i dunno hmm well i think it's about time ot u know get over that shit i mean either i just go solo which i never wanted to be cause yeah i guess it's just not the same playing solo i mean i don't thin ki really need my brother in the band he's always a hinderance but yeah hmm it's hard to keep brother band seperate u know i mean if he's a dick in the band i wanna treat him like a dick as a brother but yeah hmm i spose it doesn't help that he's always pushing away from n e thing i try and tell him so in the end he can just do as he pleases and if the fuck tries to lecture me i'll prolly just get really pissed about him and knock the fuck out cause just fuck who the hell he think s he is some days i don't understand hmm n e ways

well he's now trying to get kira into our church but i think good for him u know at least his focus is on one gurl now and yeah lol he's funny he takes off this green rubber thing from his arm and throws it away and says i dont'need gurls and i look at him like that green rubber thing was fucken shit as if that is what got u gils in the first place lol and he still spends a lifetime doing his hair

n e ways i seem to be writing a lot of hate entries a bout my brother lately so it'stime to change the style approach :)

lol things i wish i could have :-

commited band members
no more uni
a functioning company
a license

prolly a ot more but just quickly brainstoming that's what i came up with

no yeah a bands not going to work if it's always compromise u gtta be shur that u are all heading for the same goals before you start off

this is really a random journal but yeah hmm what can i say it's stoner music lol hmm well i think i need to i dunno maybe sdo some work and stop talking about what i think i should be doing with mylife haha i have no idea what i should be doing.

u know i got this really funny feeling that the second i just dont'give a fuck about something the sooner it comes to happen not just cause ur not thinking about it so ur thoughts aren't laboured over it but because i dunno it just happens like someone is watching me and going oh he dusn't givafuk about A now then sudenly she starts to wake the fuck up and things go good or the second i stop givin a fuk about the band stuff i sudenly realise that i'm looking at a full band standing in a prac room and we're all focused the same and we start to play the music thats awesome and it records oh so well lol haha nah yeah

hmm my hair is kinda cool today i decided to let one of my long strands down so it's covering my left eye a bit haha kinda odd but i like it lol i have no idea why but hmm yeah oh finally it would seem that the guys are finished construction work and are bringing the barriers out of the building thank goodness it's been such a pain in the but having to walk the long way around all this time lol dagarrrbrdgh lol whatever word that is lol

hmm that's either a really young mum over there or it's a really mature daughter looking after her super young sisters hmm

yeah really randome stuff hahaha

n e ways i really gotta get working or somethign i htink i'll get some food first but yeah haha :)

bai bai
Mr_Maniac

feeling much softer now

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 10:16:58 GMT

i think i've gotten enough metal back into my system now and have started to feel soft again so i'm listening to coldplay lol how strange i can be at times hmm well A came back again with the clan lol i dunno why it's so important that i mention her over the other s but i do still i can't c why n e way wlel before we both admitted we wer putting in an effort for the first time in ever to be nice to eachother and today she went for a long walk talk with mark hmm so i'm hoping good buddy didn't tell her anything ab out me i knwo he woudlnt óf lol me and mark are reallly close been that way for years mm a lot more than i've known some of my other best friends really he's more like the brother i wish dathan could be some times well at the moment he relaly doesn't like my brother either it seems teh shows up and everyeon is smelling dathans stinky farts lol or so to speak lol n e ways this is relly obvious i'm not doingany actual assignment work cause i'm typing a lot and not even looking at the screen lol and i havn't typed this much on my assignment still hahaha i wish i could of but i havn't lol sucks to be me sigh maybe i should just drink some alchol and then see how i feel a bout it all hmm oh A brought a wierd looking friend back haha not that we all look normal or n e thing but this guys a fucking cap wearer and it's like indoors grow up already hahaha hmm oh i found out today that having vainy arms eh veiny arms whateve is an actual diseease thing lol and not just a phenonoman haha bbut doctors dont 'know why it happens i just thought it was normal when u work out a lot it happens and i think i'm right cause it's pumping the blood into your body much much more when u work out lots and stuff lol hmm oh whats this looks like the sisters are fighting ok i know i could do a running commentary of what the hell i shappening here but i won't cause it'boring lol it's like some kinda runnin commentary with coldplay in the background or whatever

hmm well n e ways everyones getting really suspicious now about what the hell i'm doing lol cause i'm just typing lots without actualy looking at what i'm doing hmm i wonder how johns assignment is doing so it's time to go

bai bai
Mr_Maniac

arrrgh he keeps putting his foot in it

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 01:35:54 GMT

well this entry is devoted to my brothers good close friend who keeps putting his fut square into the shit every single day lol i mean for goodness sakes couldnt'he just give it a rest for a second here and there noooo he has to keep trying to stand up for the fuckers that are in the wrong and it's really pissing me off ..

so what to say it's like this lets get down to the specifics the other day a certain gurl threw shit at me in a fast food joint and so i trow some back her way and she is liek arrrgh accidently swings back and hits her hand and all..then it's like the guy says not cool man as if her putting shit on my face and shirt and pants was ro something then the other incident so far is where we are sitting in the twenty four hour room which is like a room packed with old computers for people to do assignments and as the name sugests it's open all day long n e ways onto the actual story so what happened next is like i'm running late for this meeting and of cause mum and dad are up the coast this wweek so yeah we're sitting around doingnothing much in fa ct less than that haha we oh wait same thing lol i really need to focus when i'm typing this stuff in here lol so yeah onto the story .. i asks my bro if i can get a lift with him and he's like ahh not really man but the thing is he was going past where i had to get to any way so i'm like i say well i't's good to hear that we have such a good relationship as brothers and all .. then fuck face comes on with his comments and he is like nah man don't put that shit onto him"what shit i was saying the truthe FUCK I AM PISSED he pisses me off when i think about the FUCKED UP THINGS HE STANDS UP FOR arrr i knwo i shouldnt'be all pissed but yeah i do get that way and shit from him STINKS REAL BAD

n e ways i think no prophanities in entries went out the window a long time ago .. .so on our drive home brother pisses me off again he being all i dont'givafuckabout u i mean i shouldn't of even had to beg to brother really that night if he gave half a fuck about my situation he would of surely offered to take me there but nah he isn't aware of others around him at times just like fucking A nah that's bad but half true sorta self concieted fuckers.

so wre goign along then i say so i got the wrong street to turn into after he eventually agrees to take me home so i'm like well u just go past there and down the street before spring stree but i ment stennor so he already knew i was meaning stennor but was playing pissed he HAD TO TAKE his brother to the house so he goes fuckign skits and goes down the spring street just to spite me in the end and then i'm like dude u heard me it's not here n e ways long story short he didnt'listen a dime and i end up walking across teh park lands a bit and up this street to get there cause he didn't listen about road blocks on stennor head strong fucker he is some times

but u know he is brother so of cause i still love him and am basically over it really but not jonno he ain't fucking kin the only kin he is ever going to be is the sort with fuck off get onto the cross to burn u fucking SLUT ARRRRR lol hmm ok way too much hate there hahaha i knew that alrady but yeah hmm

it's hard to typ hatred when u are smiling not about it but so people don't think ur writing unhappy shit lol hmm

well Ayesha is here now and so is rhiannon so yeah time to get off this and back to happy land where i have a suckfest of an assignment waiting for me :)

yeah i'm so over that crap now lol i dont'care i know how i am n e ways sure it cuts dep and i remember incidents if they repeat themselves but if jonno manages to keep his huge fuckign foot out of the shit i'm sure i'll forget it ever happened lol :) today me and A waved hello kinda lol :) which was good i'm still confused i didnt'aim to be mean to her n e more i kinda badly introduced her to my friend before but i did introduce her name and i just didn't really say what she was doing at uni half cause my brain froze and half cause i DONT GIVEE A FUCK haha nah that's just the metal i'm hearing speaking there but i'm not really trying to listen to metal so uch now actualy i'm meant to be quitting metal and yeah for me it is an addiction like some people get addicted to weed or alchol well for me it's metal :) sigh ok i'm crazy i knwo that lol

time to go lol
bai bai

i was going to update but then i dont'know

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 06:18:45 GMT

yeah like the title says i felt like updating and writeing stuff in here a little ago but now i just can't be bothered lol grrs hey lol nothings workign i mean i tried 3 managers none of them work so now i just use this auto password thing so i hit F9 and the pc types in my password and signs me into live journal lol it's not so bad really i guess lol

hmm well other than i'm busting for the toilet now umm i hate my blocked nose and u know something else for the first time i dont'actualy know what i'm doing as far as focusing on studies

i think since i've sudenly realised i dont'really know if i like any gurl at the moment i'm just in that searching phase but then i think no i still like one gurl but then it's fucked hmm so i dunno and it's affecting my studies i can't stop talking to people now by people i think thats really meaning gurls online as if i'm going to find n e thing ther efuck i'm garrr lol i thin i'm just frustrated that A turned out to be so stupid and all but then today she talks half decent to me agian but oly onlie i may c her this afternoon if she comes to uni at all lol hmm n e ways yeah i'm just sitting in on a elements of mm class i dont'really study it i'm just sittin gin here haha like doing my own thing hmm but yeah the lecturer is inda hot hahaha :p

shit that'd suck if she for the first time decides to check what the hell i'm up to in the back corner oh wait lol thats why man invented ALT - TAB haha what a nerd entry this is sigh i'm so ashamed of who i am right now i wish i was someone else my knee hurts like u knwo when u cut it with glass or something hmm

i think to make the simple game of space capturing whatever lol it's so easy lol i can visualise all the code in my head i dont'even need that crap on screen i mean how can it take people four hours to do this stuff :( awww whats wrong with me now i'm putting other people down so i feel better but i dont'feel better i still feel crap and i have no energy to save my shit from the music prac rooms lol

it's not really funny i'm just typing lol cause it's a reflex action sigh hmm sigh

why can't it be normal for me i mean easy u know lol i think all i really want haha is just to find someone who actualy likes me and makes effort towards me as much as i make to them u know and then i'd prolly have the motivation to do stuff cause they would be supporting me haha wierd but true and then i spose in my head i see it that i would be able to some how push myself to work on my assignment instead of typing this shit cause this stuff wouldn't be a problem and then it just gets worse hmm it's like

then if i was able to do my assignmetns i wouldn't be so worried and i'd have more free time to hang out with that person and then hmm wouldnt'the world be just perfect hahaha i'd be totaly de stressed u know i think the other day i was giving advice on how to release stress but for me it sometimes works like that other times like now i think the point of u know like the place that's locked and needs the anti stress key inserted and turned is with my relationships sigh and then of cause my music would of evolved out and i would be writing music again and if i was writing music again i'd really be kean to save my shit from the prac rooms :)

ok that's just de-frikn-pressing sigh but so so true

ok time to pee or my bladder is bursted haha :)

bai bai

just to add on from before

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 23:17:25 GMT

the weekend was not so boring really i mean it didn't take alch to make the good weekend for murray lol i ended up doign fun stuff like umm building the lasts of our new church building i really enjoyed the opening of it hehe kirsty made it so fun when she came to it lol it's was really good to share the openig day with her and all the other frieds and people sigh our church finally has a home :) and last night was excitement lol lotds happened ayesha really got pissed that my friends chose to be friends to me instead of siding with her and her bitterness to me hmm poor thing it must be hard for her to just let go and grow up a little bit :( lol is this becoming my unofficial journal i think i 'd better cpy half this and post it in my own journal lol dammit hahaha sorry

YUCK

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 23:08:41 GMT

well i had this chance to clean my bag out this morning so i did lol and all the nastiest thigns apeared in-front of my eyes i mean normally i would clean all the gear out of my bag but just recently i havnt'been cause i guess i've sort of been really lazy slash unmotivated towards anything i know it's a bad way to be but yeah and n e haow so there was frikn moldy bread so old the mold was eating the plastic bag lol and hmm lotsa other nasty stuff i threw it all out and yeah oh and what else sucks today my boxers are worn now and so i have to let them air out slash wash them lol and so that'll take a few days so i'm stuck with jocks again sigh i actualy really liked the freedom to sit totaly comfortable n e where with boxers sigh i hate brief jocks things lol dammit hmm oh oh i get to do a music jam session witha friend today yay i can't wait lol the thought of making new music is just too good to resist lol :)

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 07:58:58 GMT

sigh - music owns my life a lot makes me happy excited powerfull sad expresses my hurts and feelings

thats' prolly just a touch emo lol for one of my entries being calle AXE MANIAC demands a certain ammount of u know GRRRness to the entries lol one would have to think lol i was reading how a friend use to do stuff to themselves to try and deal with situations i think whenever thigns get really low down i find myself sitting on these stupid steps at Q block lol with some form of thumbtack or whatever is around carving into my arm till it just bleeds but not lots so i can feel the pain of stuff it kinda helps u a little to let go of things also i think the one thing i love most is getting really emo and workign out to the point where you can only scream true hurt and pain screams like your body is hurting so much that u wish u were dead and u keeep goign at that point and the hurt burns through hmm uunfortunately my brother would never let us write a song about that so u know thats why i have you mr live journal lol :) i really miss jur right exactly now
my best friend ever Joe .. man i will have to write u a song i thikn i miss u a lot lol fuck am i feelign emo mixed up or what haha i think it's the playlist i have loaded up on winamp lol

i didnt' pick a theme i let it go on shuffle and put in music i don't mind at different moods so it chooses a mood for me to feel but haha it keeps changingn through the moods so fast lol hmm..

i'm happy the test thingy i did the survey was done by otheres lol its prolly one of the best i've done before lol :)

and though i often say this i love LJ cause i really do get everything i want to say out :)